Trick or treat!
by Sionnain
Summary: If you've ever wondered how the Brotherhood of Mutants celebrates Halloween, here you go.Humor, with gratuitous references to popculture including Shaun of the Dead and Battlestar Galactica. Set in my Ideology 'verse.


**Trick or Treat**

"Hey. You know what today is?"

Rogue looked up from the laptop. "Tuesday?"

"Ha, ha. Try again." Pyro was sprawled on the couch flipping through _Maxim_ magazine. Rogue was pretty sure that belonged to Gambit. Or maybe Mystique. It just didn't seem like it was Pyro's preferred brand of reading material. There were an awful lot of scantily clad women.

"It ain't Tuesday?" Rogue asked, confused, blinking at the spreadsheet in front of her until everything swam on the screen in a sickening melange of numbers and complicated formulas. She _hated_ math. She resisted the urge to go find Erik and drain some of his powers until this stupid thing made sense.

"No, it's Tuesday. Do you know what, like, the _date_ is, genius?"

"If I gotta see one more number, Pyro, I'm gonna throw up." Rogue narrowed her eyes and blinked rapidly at him over the top of the monitor. Her legs, curled up under herself, were beginning to hurt. The laptop battery was growing very warm and she probably had third-degree burns on her legs. She'd complain that this was cruel and unusual punishment, but Erik would just laugh and then she'd have to endure something that really _was_.

"It's October 31st. Halloween." Pyro put the magazine down. "That rings a bell, right? I mean, they have it down there in the swamps where you're from?"

"Gambit's the swamp rat," Rogue reminded him with a smile. "I'm from Mississippi."

"I'm sure there are swamps there," Pyro said knowledgeably. "Anyway, did you? Have Halloween?"

"Of course, idiot," she said, pushing the laptop onto the cushions of the sofa. She straightened her legs with a wince. "Everyone has Halloween."

"Did you dress up?" He snickered. "I bet you were like, a princess or a ballerina or something."

She had, indeed, been both of those things. "Whatever, what were _you_?"

"Something a lot cooler than whatever you were."

Rogue had to laugh. "I'm sure." She stretched, her muscles sore from being compacted in one position for so long. She hit _Save_ on the spreadsheet for the thousandth time and closed it. She wasn't done, but she needed a break. "Wanna put on our uniforms?"

"We could trick-or-treat," Pyro said with a laugh.

"Oh, yeah. That'd go over well. Mystique would punch us in the stomach." Rogue grinned. "No one would give us any treats."

"Gambit would," Pyro said smugly.

"Yeah, well, y'all can just do that later," Rogue answered, laughing as he blushed. "We're too old for trick-or-treating anyway."

"Not to mention, you know. Us being mutant terrorists."

"Pyro, that's mutant _liberators_," Rogue intoned in her best Magneto-voice, one brow raised imperiously and a haughty sneer briefly shadowing her features. "You know very well who the terrorists are in this equation."

Pyro clapped appreciatively. "Nice."

Her face softened back into regular lines. She grinned at him. "Thanks. What was it you wanted to do for Halloween?"

Pyro, eighteen and always eager to act like it, gave a huge sigh and rolled his eyes so hard Rogue was sure it had to hurt. "Who says I wanted to _do_ anything, huh? Maybe I was just mentioning it."

"You wouldn't have brought it up," Rogue pointed out sweetly. "I know you."

He scowled, but without any real heat. "Fine. Let's watch a horror movie or something."

"We have to be up early tomorrow," Rogue reminded him, feeling as if she were supposed to be responsible.

"Remember our last Halloween at Xavier's, when we took the kids trick-or-treating at the mall?"

Rogue blinked, surprised he'd mentioned it. She couldn't remember the last time Pyro had referred to their previous home without some sort of accompanying sneer. "Yeah. They were cute. Everyone thought Artie's costume was amazing."

"The one time of year everyone likes the freaks," Pyro said, his voice his tight.

"So what movie do you want to watch?" Rogue asked, standing up and going to the small collection of DVDs on the back shelf.

"Dunno. Something scary. Not lame."

"We are watching a movie?" Mesmero wandered in, dressed in his usual long robe. Rogue wondered what he wore under that, then blushed and decided to go back to perusing the movies.

"Yeah. It's Halloween."

"Ah, yes. In the carnival, we used to have the children drink a special potion on All Hallows Eve to keep the demons from dancing away with them." He smiled briefly.

"That's...um. Kinda f'ed up, dude," Pyro said, looking vaguely horrified. "What was in it?"

Mesmero waved his hand. "I don't recall. I never was given any. I do believe they _wanted_ the demons to carry me away. Whatever it was, the other children seemed to enjoy it."

Rogue felt sorry for him at that. "You should have made them drink so much stupid potion they drowned," she muttered, incensed. Every time Mesmero spoke of his childhood, she wanted to kill someone.

Mesmero shrugged. "They only knew what they were taught. Ignorance breeds ignorance. Are we perhaps going to watch a picture with a ghostly haunting?" He looked hopeful.

Rogue would have let Mesmero watch anything he _wanted_ after that story, but Gambit wandered in seconds later and groaned. "No, the only ones we have are those ones in black-and-white," he said, peering over Rogue's shoulder. "We should watch something with zombies."

"Ooh, zombies," Rogue said, pleased. She flipped through the movies. "_Shaun of the Dead_?"

"That's not scary, it's funny," Pyro pointed out.

"That name does not make sense to me," Mesmero said, confused. "Is this some pop culture reference I am once more missing?"

"Yeah," Pyro said bluntly, but didn't explain. "How about _28 Days Later_?"

"There were not enough zombies in that one," Mystique said from the doorway. She joined Rogue and Gambit by the cabinet.

"_Resident Evil_?" Gambit suggested, looking up at her. "That one had zombie _dogs_."

"No video game movies," Rogue said firmly. She saw Gambit's glare and shrugged. "They suck. Besides, you and Pyro talk too much during them and they ain't even scary. And your shouting out combinations of buttons is irritating."

"Perhaps we could watch the picture about the man with the chainsaw," Mesmero supplied. "Raven is fond of that one."

"I just like to imagine him chopping up people I used to know," Mystique muttered.

"What are you doing?"

They all looked up as Magneto entered. "Is this some meeting to which I am not invited?" He arched a brow at Mystique. "Mutiny, perhaps?"

"Movies," Mystique responded blandly. "It's Halloween."

"Ah, yes. The holiday which encourages children to dress up in ridiculous garb and demand candy that will only make them unhealthy and over-stimulated."

"So you're not a fan," Pyro said drolly, and everyone looked down and tried not to laugh.

"No. However, I do enjoy horror movies," Magneto said, moving to stand behind Rogue.

"We were thinkin' a zombie movie," Rogue said, leaning back as he placed his hands on her shoulders. She wasn't used to any physical affection from him in public.

"Which one? Not that dreadful thing with Pyro and Gambit's video game characters?"

"Ha, I told you," Rogue muttered, sticking her tongue out at Pyro.

Pyro glared at her, but his voice was mild. "What about _Dawn of the Dead_? That one's scary. It's not black and white. No video games."

Gambit grinned down at Pyro. "That movie gave you a nightmare, _mon ange_."

"Dude," Pyro said, affronted. He punched Gambit in the arm. "Shut up."

"Haha, did you think a zombie was coming to eat your brain?" Rogue giggled. "He'd be really hungry and disappointed," she added, unable to help herself.

Behind her, Magneto laughed. "Marie. What an awful thing to say. I'm proud of you."

"Fine, everyone just mentally bitchslap me for trying to think of a fun mutant bonding activity," Pyro muttered.

"Don't the mayhem and the explosions count?" Mystique asked, lightly tracing the distinctive markings on Mesmero's face with her fingers.

"Yes, but we so seldom go as a group," Mesmero said sadly.

Mystique laughed. "So it's _Dawn of the Dead_. Any objections?"

No one said anything, but then again, it could be that everyone was shocked that she'd even bothered to _ask_. "Good. We'll watch it after dinner. I'll even cook."

Rogue, who was barely listening as Erik was slowly running his fingers up and down the column of her neck, started at that announcement. "What, no one likes spaghetti on Halloween?"

"Your cooking is indeed terrifying," Erik said blandly. "You may be able to convince any wandering zombies that your noodles are brains when they come looking, Rogue, as they are the same consistency. Oh, don't scowl at me," he said, tugging her hair. "You know I'm right."

She would have argued, but he _was_ right. Instead, she just enjoyed the fact that somehow she'd escaped having to make dinner.

ooooooooOOOOoooooooo

"What on earth is this?"

Rogue looked up at him, surprised. "_Dawn of the Dead_," she said slowly, in the tone of voice that suggested perhaps he was very slow.

He glared down at her. "I assure you, it isn't. I've seen that movie several times, and this is far too new. Perhaps there was a mistake and this is Pyro's video game movie, after all?"

"I didn't even want to _watch_ the video game movie," Pyro muttered from where he was sitting with Gambit on the floor.

"This is the right movie," Mystique said, just as the film's title appeared. "See?"

"Pyro must have edited it," Rogue said seriously, then giggled.

"I have seen this movie before," Erik said again, wondering why they were all being so horribly disrespectful. "And I assure you, this was not it. It can't be. The movie I am familiar with is older than several of you in this room."

Rogue arched a brow at him. He ignored her.

"It's the remake," Gambit said, playing idly with Pyro's hair. "Do we even have the original?"

"Yes," Erik said testily.

"Is it scary?" Rogue asked, slumping down on the couch and sticking her legs out in front of her. It looked uncomfortable to him, but then again, he was hardly a limber seventeen year old girl. The thought made him smirk. Rogue gazed at him suspiciously. "What?"

"It's a commentary about the social zombification of humanity and the effects of consumerism," Erik informed her.

"Dude," Pyro said, laughing, "Is zombification really a _word_? Cause if so, it's awesome. Zombification." He laughed again.

Erik used his powers to smack him on the head with the remote. "It's a word if I say it is."

"Hey, I think it's cool," Pyro complained, then wisely fell silent.

"Are we changing the picture to another?" Mesmero asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning against Mystique who was sprawled in the chair.

They all turned and looked at him. Erik sighed and threw his hands up in the air. "Never say I'm not a benevolent dictator."

Rogue snorted. "We'd never say that, Erik."

He pretended to ignore the sarcasm in her voice.

"Someone should turn the lights off," Pyro spoke up.

"And restart the movie, since we've missed half of it with all this talking," Mystique said, sighing.

Erik waved his hand and doused the lights. Pyro, lying on his back with his head on Gambit's lap on the floor, reached up to restart the movie. They were all silent, for the most part, as the movie progressed. Erik found it far more ridiculous than frightening, but the others seemed to enjoy it. Rogue jumped at one part and he laughed at her, which did make him feel a bit better.

Pyro had a tendency to laugh at inappropriate death scenes, which he supposed was beneficial. Mystique mocked the fighting techniques, and Gambit occasionally bemoaned the lack of zombie animals. "This movie needs a voodoo priestess."

"What's that got to do with zombies?" Rogue asked, twining her hair between her fingers.

"Do you even know anything at all about zombies, _cherie_?"

"Yeah. I know what their favorite letter is. Do you?"

Gambit looked warily at her. "_Non._"

Rogue held her arms out straight. "Braaains."

Pyro laughed. Erik scowled at her. "That didn't even make sense, Marie. Do be quiet, I'm trying to follow the scintillating dialogue." He reached out and drew her closer to him. She stiffened for a moment and then relaxed, soft and warm against him. That, at least, was something enjoyable.

Mesmero was intrigued by the zombie baby. "Perhaps it is a hybrid. Perhaps it has some healing properties. I think killing it outright is a bit of a mistake."

"Dude, you've been watching too much _Battlestar Galactica_," Pyro informed him.

"Is that the show with the spaceship and attractive blonde pilot?"

"And the hot guy who's in the fatsuit now," Pyro said, nodding.

"If we'd watched the original version of this, you'd all be talking much less," Erik interjected.

"Because we'd all be asleep," Rogue deadpanned.

Mystique snickered.

The movie's conclusion involved a rather asinine plan to equip a van with weaponry and mow down zombies on the way to a boat. Erik didn't remember this from the original.

"Are we the humans or the zombies?" Gambit asked, as on the movie the characters dashed about blowing up zombies up on their escape.

"The zombies are humans, but we're smarter than those humans so they can't be the mutants," Rogue said loftily, a touch of arrogance in her voice. Erik smiled and stroked his hand down her hair.

"Those humans must be the X-Men," Pyro joked.

"No," Erik said, amused despite himself. "If they were the X-Men, one of them would be trying to form a zombie-human relation committee, and the others would be insisting we could all get along in a brain-eating world just fine as one united species."

There was a half-second of silence, as if they all couldn't believe he'd just said that. Erik cast his eyes heavenwards and sighed. "Do you think I'm incapable of making a joke?"

"Um," Rogue said, giggling, and he tugged her hair to make her quiet.

The climax of the movie featured a boat ride to an island, predictably inhabited by zombies waiting to consume them. "Now, my brothers, what is the lesson we've learned here?" Erik asked, his voice sharp, once the credits began rolling.

"If we find an island to live on, make sure there aren't any zombies?" This from Pyro.

"Everybody dies?" Mesmero.

"Have a life-sustaining asteroid in case of imminent zombie invasion?" Gambit.

"Keep a supply of human brains in the storeroom to hold off hungry roves of the undead?" Mystique.

Erik shook his head. "You're all wrong, I'm afraid. Rogue?"

She chewed on her lip for a moment, then smiled brilliantly. "Let you pick the movie next time?"

Erik nodded. "That would be correct. I'm afraid that is all the time we have for frivolity. We have training in the morning." He stood up abruptly and turned the lights on with his power.

Pyro stood up and sighed. "I'm not even going to mention anything when it's Thanksgiving."

Erik clapped a hand on his shoulder. "And that, dear boy, is likely for the best."


End file.
